If you thought this was an Onion article, who would blame ya. I definitely thought it was since you know, bestiality. One would figure sexual relations with an animal would be a bad thing but nope, in Canada it’s legal, just don’t penetrate the tight little ass of `whatever it is` you’re humping.

Here is the link to the ruling from Thursday past. The court found in a 7-1 ruling that there needs to be penetration involved for an act with an animal to be a criminal offence. It’s all legal mumbo jumbo, but some may be interested in browsing it. So to summarize, those who want to have sexual relations with an animal can legally do so as long as you don’t penetrate. Here’s the beginning of the court document.


The case where this ruling derives from involved a man who sexually abused his two teen aged stepdaughters over 10 years. One of the stepdaughters described, on multiple occasions, that he coerced them to perform sexual acts with the family dog, including putting peanut butter over their genitals so the family dog would lick it off.

The man in the case was handed 14 charges and to serve 18 years in prison, but guess which charges recently dropped? Yes, you guess it, the bestiality charges *poof*. Supreme Court Justice Rosalie Abella was the lone dissenter in that 7-1 ruling where she said:

“Acts with animals that have a sexual purpose are inherently exploitative whether or not penetration occurs,”

So there you are Canada, if you wanna rub your di*k on the a**hole of a racoon, that’s cool. Ladies, if you wanna roll around naked in the pig pen while the little swine licks your vajajay, have at ‘er. You can even lick its ass in return as a thank you, no questions asked.